if you want to be happy, be

A saying form Leo Tolstoy ...which i think that is true coz every decisions and actions are only determined by us, ourself. For every mind set that we have would eventually transpired thru our action. If we choose to be sad, lazy and demotivated then there you go...you will come out with being cranky and mood swing.
Thus if u choose to be happy, excited n enthusiastic, then voila!!! you will feel motivated and determined in doing the best for yourself and others too.


For me i choose to be happy and positive. Its not easy for me, probably here because I'm diagnosed wth congenital Ichthyosis. Just google it, there goes out the answer. According to a dermatologist, its one of the rarest disease. Probably one in a hundred thousand. I was born with it , according to mother,skin started to developed probably around 3 months.For me i never ask a lot, coz it always painful dealing wth the facts.


My skin is very dry, flaky n times it cracks open so it makes it very fragile n prone to infection. Growing up probably was veryy tough for me, but Alhamdulillah all praises to Allah bcoz i knew He hold the answer to it. Digesting the facts n going thru every moment is tormenting and being innocent,  i keep asking why Allah choose me. I've gone thru that phase, i guess now i deal with it better.


Nevertheless, embracing the fact is much different with dealing human perception. Going to school during chilhood n adolescent was...probably better word to describe it is 'nightmare'. Sometimes i do make up reason to mother saying i'm sick. True enough, i'm sick but to put up wth bad talk, stares and isolation  from other school mates just the perfect reason. But that doesn't mean i never befriended anyone or nobody wants to be friend . I have found a true friends that until today, we still hold that friendship. I'm bless with good friends around who wants to care and understand me. I'm thankful for that, and if i ever come across people  who tried to put me down on how i look , then i guess its their loss. The best thing in life is just to have kind hearted people who are kind enough sometimes to put their feet into my shoes...Yess it will NEVER fit but at least to have a crying shoulder is a blessing.


Throughout my life, i had to put up with so many distressful behaviour from others. For which sometimes it really put me down at the lowest bottom of my life. Tell me, stares and bad talk are just bad enough, but i have gone thru more than that. Being hired for a day, just because the wife's boss think that i look weird, people moved away when I sit beside them and also denied for a gym membership are one of the few examples. The worst was i guess when i was in a boarding school, i had to be isolated from others..instead of staying in a dorm of four ..i had the room all to myself. Its not easy , so many times i broke down and cried and cried. Being far away from good buddies and  family make it worst. 


Experiences made me stronger. I matured from all these experiences. I'm fully content for what He plan for me.I believe that Allah chose me because He know i am special. Never meant to sound pathetic..but i want to instill the idea of that whatever reason being...i must think that Allah meant the best for me. Yesss kene slalu berbaik sangka pada ketentuan Allah.


"Warfare is ordained for you, though it is hateful unto you; but it may happen that ye hate a thing which is good for you, and it may happen that ye love a thing which is bad for you. Allah knoweth, ye know not." (Al Baqarah:216)


This is one of the best Quran verse which  describe it. I know ALLAH love me, and this is just part of His test. Alhamdulillah